Where Have I Been?

It’s been a looooong time since I posted. Where have I been?

A few weeks ago, I got a call that my grandmother (who lives in Massachusetts), was in the hospital. She’d had a stroke and pneumonia. I went up to spend some time with her while she was there. We thought she was starting to get better since there was talk of moving her to a rehab facility. She was weak but her mind was still working pretty good. The last day I was there, we went to the hospital for a bit before I flew home. She was in a coma-like state. I tried to convince myself that she was just having a bad day. I said goodbye, hoping she heard me. My phone rang as soon as I got through security at the airport. It was mom calling to tell me my grandmother had passed away.

I took her death especially hard. Over the last year, I’ve lost both my grandmothers and my great aunt, who was sort of like a grandmother. However, this death was a lot more unexpected. I really wasn’t prepared for it at all and I’ve had a tough time dealing with me. I’m sort of up and down. One minute I’ll be fine and then I’ll be thinking about how I’ll never see her again. My trips to Massachusetts to visit her were always very special and I’ll really miss those trips. Mentally and emotionally, I’m a little bit of a mess right now.

With all that’s been happening, I haven’t been training. When I was in Massachusetts, there wasn’t a lot of time for it. I was spending 6 or 7 hours a day at the hospital. I went home and had to pretty much go right back for the funeral. Emotionally and mentally I didn’t have the dedication for training.

And now here we are, less than 3 weeks away from the Tough Mudder. I really don’t know how I’m going to get through it. I haven’t increased my strength or stamina much. Looking at the course again today, I think I can do a lot of it. But there are a few obstacles that just make me really nervous. And the fact that it’s at least 9 miles and I’ll be cold just make me more nervous. At this point I’m just not feeling very good about it. And I don’t have a lot of time left to prepare myself for it.

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